Attract Women With The Things You CAN Control
Listen up, when it comes to women and relationships...
however you'd like to define it... most men worry
about ALL the wrong things.
You see, I get questions... and read questions... about
whether "looks" are important for attraction ALL THE TIME.
And, when I say "looks", I'm really talking about a man's
face and many of the things that we have absolutely no
control over in our lives.
(As an aside, we have no control over where we come from
either, but we DO have control over where we go from there)
We really have no control on the actual structure of our
face... and quite frankly... the research shows conflicting
results when it comes to "facial beauty" and attraction.
In fact, research shows time and time again that the only
things that matter in our quest to be the best man
that we can be... reside in the things that we CAN control.
Here are the things that we ultimately CAN control:
Our haircut
Our clothes
Our character
Our body
Our finances
Our social circle
... plus a whole gaggle of other things that are all within
our control.
THESE are the things that matter the most to women (and other
people that may want to get to know us better).
Listen closely, because this is important:
The RESEARCH shows NO DIRECT correlation to facial beauty and
the type of woman that we'll end up with.
In fact, the ONLY things that matter can really be lumped into
4 distinct categories:
Social Status (most important)
Physical Attractiveness (your "look")
Social Dominance ("alpha" male trait, how you handle yourself)
Physical Dominance ("alpha" male trait, how you LOOK like you
can handle yourself)
The first one, Social Status is the most important criteria
that women look for when it comes to men (as proven by
research).
Naturally, social status means "who we are" in relation to
other people.
Think about this for a second, when a man tells another man that
he's seeing a new woman... what does the other man say?
"Cool man, what's she look like?"
Now, have you ever heard a conversation between two women about
a new guy? The response to the same question is usually:
"Great... what does he DO?"
... which naturally gives us a quick flash into a man's social
status.
Interestingly enough, if a men tells a woman that he's dating
a new woman, the woman will ask:
"What's she look like?"
... and on the other side, if a woman tells a man that she's
dating someone new, he usually asks:
"What does he do?"
So, both women AND men know, deep down that social status is
an important part of a woman's attraction process.
The second criterion, "physical attractiveness", is all about
our "look".
Studies show that our facial features don't really contribute
as much to physical attractiveness like all of the other things
that we CAN control (body, facial hair, haircut, clothes, etc)
Physical attractiveness stems from the "halo effect" whereas
women will make a "snap" judgment of you based upon our "look".
Make no mistake about it, our "look" is extremely important
to maintain as it gives a woman a great window into what our
lives are REALLY about.
The third criterion, social dominance is a little different
than social status. Social dominance has to do with our
leadership ability, our ability to handle ourselves in
social situations, our character, and our confidence in
ourselves.
These are all skills and lifestyle additions that can be
learned.
The fourth criterion, physical dominance, has to do with our
ability to take care of ourselves in a physical situation.
Can we fight? Can we physically take care of her if we
need to?
Do you LOOK like we can? (ie, do you look like a wuss?)
All of these criteria that research proves are MOST IMPORTANT
to a woman... can ALL be either learned or developed.
Again, it's the things that you CAN control that matter the
most.
If you don't think so, I can show you COUNTLESS numbers of
great looking men... that have no character, no ambition,
and no status... that date WAY UNDER their "potential" in
the "looks" category.
Most of these men end up leading pitiful lives because they
think that their looks are going to get them anywhere they
want.
But they continue to live in mediocrity.
On the other hand, I can think of plenty of people that
don't have great "looks", but have everything that they
CAN control IN control.
A perfect example would be Jay-Z.
Face wise, he's always getting joked on. Yet, I'm always
hearing women say how hot he is.
Think about that.
But whats the answer then... in layman's terms.
Point blank: We need to improve what we CAN improve EVERY
DAY.
A good place to start... our bodies.
Studies prove that people that make significant advances
in their bodies also reap other "side effects" in the other
4 criteria that women ultimately look for in a man.
Think about how an improved body improves confidence,
which improves social status and social dominance.
And, of course, it's quite obvious that improving your
body will improve your physical "look" and your physical
dominance, right?
Friday, October 24, 2008
Things You Should Never Say to a Woman
Things You Should Never Say to a Woman
As a sophisticated man of the 21st century, you already know this. You know you're not supposed to comment on your girlfriend's weight, or tell her that her friends are hot. And you know she probably feels the same way you do about the phrase, "Can we still be friends?"
Additionally, you've found that honesty, while valued in most situations, can sometimes offend. What you say to defuse tension in an argument often stokes the fire. We understand that the female psyche can be complicated, and we're here to demystify what may seem like strategically placed trapdoors.
Here are 10 things most women don't want to hear:
1) "What did you do to your hair?"
Unless we've cut our own hair—this is not common—someone else did something to our hair. It wasn't us. And most likely we've gone to a lot of trouble and expense for it. "I like your new haircut" is infinitely better, and shows you're paying attention. It's also far superior to the generic "You look different," which tells us you're as clueless as ever.
2) "They both look the same to me."
We understand you care a lot less than we do about the outfits or the registry dishware we're asking you to compare. But they can't possibly look exactly the same, can they? Give us something. Anything. Mentally roll the dice and pick one, so we don't worry about your vision—or worse, that you don't care.
3) "Relax."
A kissing cousin to "Don't get so worked up," this generally creates the exact opposite effect you're shooting for. When you say "Relax," what we hear is that you think that we're being irrational over nothing, and this makes us do anything but relax.
4) "I've got it all under control."
Ha! Famous last words. Refrain from using them if you don't want us to take fiendish delight in your getting lost because you won't stop for directions (if we're late, there will be fiendish fuming), or because you're missing a piece to your flat-screen television because you said you didn't need to read the assembly instructions.
5) "You're not one of those feminists, are you?"
Yikes. Chivalry may be nearly dead, but saying this will drive the last spear through its heart. Feminist or not, a woman is likely to be offended by the question. Just be yourself. Be kind, open the door, offer to pay, and go from there. We can choose to accept or share in your generosity.
6) "When are you due?"
Take one second to imagine a woman turning to you and responding, "I'm not pregnant," or "I had the baby six months ago," and you'll understand why you should eradicate this question from your vocabulary. In one nanosecond, innocent—even considerate—curiosity can turn to deadly, if unintentional, offense. And there's just no way to recover from this one.
7) "You're being emotional."
In the heat of the moment this may be true. But unless you want your partner to become more emotional or get angry, you're better off keeping this observation and its off-limits follow-up question—"Is it that time of month?"—to yourself.
8) "You're acting just like your mother/my mother/my ex-girlfriend."
All three are problematic. An ex should be mentioned sparingly, and never in comparison. Why would we want to remind you of a person you broke up with? And come to mention it, why are you thinking about her? You see the slippery slope. Conjuring an image of our mother or your mother can be equally grating. We want you to treat us as individuals and not as mere products of your (or our) upbringing.
9) "You complete me."
We understand that the possibility of romance makes inexplicable things come out of a man's—and sometimes a woman's—mouth, but keep the compliments real and honest and sincere and say you love someone when you mean it.
10) "Do you really think you should be eating that?"
Yes. She should be eating it. Even if she told you she's given it up.
As a sophisticated man of the 21st century, you already know this. You know you're not supposed to comment on your girlfriend's weight, or tell her that her friends are hot. And you know she probably feels the same way you do about the phrase, "Can we still be friends?"
Additionally, you've found that honesty, while valued in most situations, can sometimes offend. What you say to defuse tension in an argument often stokes the fire. We understand that the female psyche can be complicated, and we're here to demystify what may seem like strategically placed trapdoors.
Here are 10 things most women don't want to hear:
1) "What did you do to your hair?"
Unless we've cut our own hair—this is not common—someone else did something to our hair. It wasn't us. And most likely we've gone to a lot of trouble and expense for it. "I like your new haircut" is infinitely better, and shows you're paying attention. It's also far superior to the generic "You look different," which tells us you're as clueless as ever.
2) "They both look the same to me."
We understand you care a lot less than we do about the outfits or the registry dishware we're asking you to compare. But they can't possibly look exactly the same, can they? Give us something. Anything. Mentally roll the dice and pick one, so we don't worry about your vision—or worse, that you don't care.
3) "Relax."
A kissing cousin to "Don't get so worked up," this generally creates the exact opposite effect you're shooting for. When you say "Relax," what we hear is that you think that we're being irrational over nothing, and this makes us do anything but relax.
4) "I've got it all under control."
Ha! Famous last words. Refrain from using them if you don't want us to take fiendish delight in your getting lost because you won't stop for directions (if we're late, there will be fiendish fuming), or because you're missing a piece to your flat-screen television because you said you didn't need to read the assembly instructions.
5) "You're not one of those feminists, are you?"
Yikes. Chivalry may be nearly dead, but saying this will drive the last spear through its heart. Feminist or not, a woman is likely to be offended by the question. Just be yourself. Be kind, open the door, offer to pay, and go from there. We can choose to accept or share in your generosity.
6) "When are you due?"
Take one second to imagine a woman turning to you and responding, "I'm not pregnant," or "I had the baby six months ago," and you'll understand why you should eradicate this question from your vocabulary. In one nanosecond, innocent—even considerate—curiosity can turn to deadly, if unintentional, offense. And there's just no way to recover from this one.
7) "You're being emotional."
In the heat of the moment this may be true. But unless you want your partner to become more emotional or get angry, you're better off keeping this observation and its off-limits follow-up question—"Is it that time of month?"—to yourself.
8) "You're acting just like your mother/my mother/my ex-girlfriend."
All three are problematic. An ex should be mentioned sparingly, and never in comparison. Why would we want to remind you of a person you broke up with? And come to mention it, why are you thinking about her? You see the slippery slope. Conjuring an image of our mother or your mother can be equally grating. We want you to treat us as individuals and not as mere products of your (or our) upbringing.
9) "You complete me."
We understand that the possibility of romance makes inexplicable things come out of a man's—and sometimes a woman's—mouth, but keep the compliments real and honest and sincere and say you love someone when you mean it.
10) "Do you really think you should be eating that?"
Yes. She should be eating it. Even if she told you she's given it up.
How Not To Be “Friend Material”
How Not To Be “Friend Material”
You’re talking away; making her laugh, and also making some great connections with her too! More than once, she has grabbed your arm; she’s even pushed her body close to yours a number of times. The I.O. Is here are major. It’s a no brainer, she’s yours for the taking.
Or is she?
When it comes to number close, she may be more than happy to give you her number, but when you arrange a date; I wonder if she will turn up in a sexy plunge neck dress or a casual loose fitting t-shirt. I wonder if she even bothers to wear make up for you. So in this case, the date you thought you were going on is probably not, in her eyes, a date at all. Why?
Because you became the dreaded…. (Dramatic drum roll please)
“MALE FRIEND”
We will look at the following:
How did this happen?
What are those tell tale signs that show you she sees you only as friend potential.
How to prevent this from happening!
How on earth did you get in to this mess?
Simple. Lets break this down; on one hand you have a been a brilliant
conversationalist, you have made some deep connections with her, and so she feels you really understand her, not just as a woman but as a human being as well. You’re also unbelievably funny, and have had her laughing hard countless times through out the interaction.
As a result of all these great accomplishments she feels she can relax, let down her guard and really be herself in front of you. Here is where a key problem lies. It obviously beneficial for you to make sure she’s relaxed, however it is not beneficial to her so relaxed that she feels she can show you all her flaws, whats happened here is she is now so totally in her comfort zone that she feels no need to make any effort to impress you.
Next, what is missing here is a vital ingredient. You have not initiated any sexual tension in to the conversation. This would be a lot easier to do if you had made sure you were in higher status than her. But unfortunately what has happened in this situation is that you have made levels of status equal (better than your status level being lower of course) but this can lead to friendship, as friendships are usually based on equality of the relationship.
Signs that she is seeing you as potential friend material
• She talks about her ex-boyfriend
• She talks too much about other men
• She is not caring how she is coming across general
• She tells you too many of her private problems such as;
o Medical
o Ex boyfriends
o Problems at work
o Problems with her friends
o Periods
(Remember you’re not an agony aunt!)
She’s not asking you too many questions about your self
She’s shows barely any, or no, reaction to your touches
She keeps describing you as “so sweet” or “adorable” or says things such as “oh how cute” when you say something. Any puppy dog terminology is usually not a good thing.
She is not bothered if you show any interest in other woman.
She is happy to leave you with her friends as she goes off temporarily to attend to other matters.
If you give her any criticism she will laugh.
She’s happy to tell you her opinions on everything whether you like it or not.
How you can prevent all this.
If you regularly have this problem then my suggestion to you is to nip it in the bud!
From as early as the first second to the first 10 minutes introduce at least a hint of sexual element in to the interaction.
There is no problem in letting a girl know you think she’s hot, as long as you execute it with a serious and matter of fact expression. Don’t make a big deal about saying “wow, you look hot” and don’t wait for her reaction. Instead hold her gaze and then move on casually to the next subject as if you are totally in control and fully aware of your alpha like comment.
Remember, she has to start earning any more compliments.
This will also destroy completely the chance of you becoming her friend; she will subconsciously cross out that avenue. So now its whether she likes you in that way or not. (2 option rather than 3)
What you do if she begins to show any of the above signs
Lets take, for example, her bringing up the ex-boyfriend. Make it clear to her that although it’s an interesting subject and one you can see she feels deeply about, perhaps it’s best if she discussed it with her girlfriends and not you.
If she begins to show little or no care on how she is coming across, for instance getting to much in her comfort zone. Keep giving her small tasks and let her know that your standards are very high on how a lady should behave. For instance if vulgarities something you find unattractive (and is usually, by the way, a sign the woman is seeing you as a fellow party pal) then let her know how she’s let you down, by pointing out the fact they you thought she was different from the woman in here and that it was her elegance that made you talk to her in the first place.
Watch how she straightens her back and tucks her bra strap back in to position faster than you can imagine.
If she leaves you with her friends and wanders off, this is a bad sign, it means she couldn’t care less if they make a move on you or you make a move on them.
Counteract this by firstly introducing your friends to her friends, which will make her feel left out. And on her return, punish her by making a phone call as soon as she sits down, go off with your phone call and leave her friends talking with your friends as she sits there bored and feeling left out, she will begin to miss you and might value your company a little more.
Note:
Please remember women love to please men. We enjoy looking good for you guys; in fact it’s a bit of obsession.
Look in any woman’s magazines and see what percentage of the articles is dedicated to pleasing men, whether it is through; makeup, dieting, fashion or cooking. Once we feel there’s no need to please you, it’s as if the fun is over, for girls as well as guys the chase is can be better than the catch.
Remember; take control of the situation, if you become “friendship material” then you have yourself to blame, you can manipulate the conversation whenever you choose, you can inject sexual tension whenever you decide. The only reason you became friend material would have been because you allowed her to feel so relaxed that she had little or no work to do at all.
By all means make sure she is relaxed, but take advantage when someone is in a relaxed state of mind. Remember the power of suggestion will be come much more powerful when in that state. Do this rather than allow her to feel you are simply another shoulder to cry on, or part time doctor she can reveal gross medical problems to, or a psychiatrist where she can discuss her ex-boyfriends commitment problems he might have had.
You have plenty of friends, you don need another right? Unless of course you see her as friend material in that case go right ahead and discuss her periods and ex-boyfriends with her!
You’re talking away; making her laugh, and also making some great connections with her too! More than once, she has grabbed your arm; she’s even pushed her body close to yours a number of times. The I.O. Is here are major. It’s a no brainer, she’s yours for the taking.
Or is she?
When it comes to number close, she may be more than happy to give you her number, but when you arrange a date; I wonder if she will turn up in a sexy plunge neck dress or a casual loose fitting t-shirt. I wonder if she even bothers to wear make up for you. So in this case, the date you thought you were going on is probably not, in her eyes, a date at all. Why?
Because you became the dreaded…. (Dramatic drum roll please)
“MALE FRIEND”
We will look at the following:
How did this happen?
What are those tell tale signs that show you she sees you only as friend potential.
How to prevent this from happening!
How on earth did you get in to this mess?
Simple. Lets break this down; on one hand you have a been a brilliant
conversationalist, you have made some deep connections with her, and so she feels you really understand her, not just as a woman but as a human being as well. You’re also unbelievably funny, and have had her laughing hard countless times through out the interaction.
As a result of all these great accomplishments she feels she can relax, let down her guard and really be herself in front of you. Here is where a key problem lies. It obviously beneficial for you to make sure she’s relaxed, however it is not beneficial to her so relaxed that she feels she can show you all her flaws, whats happened here is she is now so totally in her comfort zone that she feels no need to make any effort to impress you.
Next, what is missing here is a vital ingredient. You have not initiated any sexual tension in to the conversation. This would be a lot easier to do if you had made sure you were in higher status than her. But unfortunately what has happened in this situation is that you have made levels of status equal (better than your status level being lower of course) but this can lead to friendship, as friendships are usually based on equality of the relationship.
Signs that she is seeing you as potential friend material
• She talks about her ex-boyfriend
• She talks too much about other men
• She is not caring how she is coming across general
• She tells you too many of her private problems such as;
o Medical
o Ex boyfriends
o Problems at work
o Problems with her friends
o Periods
(Remember you’re not an agony aunt!)
She’s not asking you too many questions about your self
She’s shows barely any, or no, reaction to your touches
She keeps describing you as “so sweet” or “adorable” or says things such as “oh how cute” when you say something. Any puppy dog terminology is usually not a good thing.
She is not bothered if you show any interest in other woman.
She is happy to leave you with her friends as she goes off temporarily to attend to other matters.
If you give her any criticism she will laugh.
She’s happy to tell you her opinions on everything whether you like it or not.
How you can prevent all this.
If you regularly have this problem then my suggestion to you is to nip it in the bud!
From as early as the first second to the first 10 minutes introduce at least a hint of sexual element in to the interaction.
There is no problem in letting a girl know you think she’s hot, as long as you execute it with a serious and matter of fact expression. Don’t make a big deal about saying “wow, you look hot” and don’t wait for her reaction. Instead hold her gaze and then move on casually to the next subject as if you are totally in control and fully aware of your alpha like comment.
Remember, she has to start earning any more compliments.
This will also destroy completely the chance of you becoming her friend; she will subconsciously cross out that avenue. So now its whether she likes you in that way or not. (2 option rather than 3)
What you do if she begins to show any of the above signs
Lets take, for example, her bringing up the ex-boyfriend. Make it clear to her that although it’s an interesting subject and one you can see she feels deeply about, perhaps it’s best if she discussed it with her girlfriends and not you.
If she begins to show little or no care on how she is coming across, for instance getting to much in her comfort zone. Keep giving her small tasks and let her know that your standards are very high on how a lady should behave. For instance if vulgarities something you find unattractive (and is usually, by the way, a sign the woman is seeing you as a fellow party pal) then let her know how she’s let you down, by pointing out the fact they you thought she was different from the woman in here and that it was her elegance that made you talk to her in the first place.
Watch how she straightens her back and tucks her bra strap back in to position faster than you can imagine.
If she leaves you with her friends and wanders off, this is a bad sign, it means she couldn’t care less if they make a move on you or you make a move on them.
Counteract this by firstly introducing your friends to her friends, which will make her feel left out. And on her return, punish her by making a phone call as soon as she sits down, go off with your phone call and leave her friends talking with your friends as she sits there bored and feeling left out, she will begin to miss you and might value your company a little more.
Note:
Please remember women love to please men. We enjoy looking good for you guys; in fact it’s a bit of obsession.
Look in any woman’s magazines and see what percentage of the articles is dedicated to pleasing men, whether it is through; makeup, dieting, fashion or cooking. Once we feel there’s no need to please you, it’s as if the fun is over, for girls as well as guys the chase is can be better than the catch.
Remember; take control of the situation, if you become “friendship material” then you have yourself to blame, you can manipulate the conversation whenever you choose, you can inject sexual tension whenever you decide. The only reason you became friend material would have been because you allowed her to feel so relaxed that she had little or no work to do at all.
By all means make sure she is relaxed, but take advantage when someone is in a relaxed state of mind. Remember the power of suggestion will be come much more powerful when in that state. Do this rather than allow her to feel you are simply another shoulder to cry on, or part time doctor she can reveal gross medical problems to, or a psychiatrist where she can discuss her ex-boyfriends commitment problems he might have had.
You have plenty of friends, you don need another right? Unless of course you see her as friend material in that case go right ahead and discuss her periods and ex-boyfriends with her!
Train Your Mind
Train Your Mind
Disciplining your mind so that it is focused on your goals is crucial to your success. If your mind is not trained to focus on and achieve your goals then you really have no chance at success. Your mind is a direct link to your subconscious mind; if your mind is focused on your goals and is trained to achieve those goals then your subconscious mind will also be focused on these goals and will attract the situations and opportunities for you to achieve the success you want.
When your mind is focused on the results of those goals you'll take the action necessary to follow up and make sure you achieve those goals. The minute you get distracted for a prolonged period - you lose sight of your objective and fail to accomplish those goals.
Think of it this way, you're riding in a car driven by your personal driver and every time your driver asks you where you want to go you simply say: "I don't know. Wherever you want to go is fine with me." Then when your driver takes you to the place of his choice you complain and say: "I don't want to be here, take me somewhere else." And again you say you don't know where you want to go.
If you don't train your mind to focus on your goals then your subconscious mind cannot create the situations that will help you achieve those goals and in the end your subconscious gets confused - thus creating more confusion for you -- and you end up exactly where you don't want to be.
Let's go back to the example of your personal driver. Wouldn't it be a lot easier and more comfortable if you told your driver where you wanted to go - or even better - your driver knew where you wanted to go ahead of time? The latter will never happen if you don't train your driver or work with him to develop the ability to go where you want when you want.
Your mind is your driver - give it the right instructions and your subconscious mind will follow up by creating the opportunities for you to get to where you want to be.
When you have your mind focused on your goals you begin to find solutions and discover opportunities to help you achieve your goals. Your responsibility is to follow up on these opportunities.
How You Can Train Your Mind
Believe it or not I get a lot of calls and emails everyday from people who want to achieve their goals but simply can't get their mind to focus on the tasks that need to be done in order to have the success that they want. This happens because the mind is simply not used to focusing on your goals and following up with completing those tasks. Simply put - your mind is just not used to doing this. So how do you get your mind to change? How do you train your mind?
The first step is to get the mind to stop doing what it is used to doing - or break the pattern that you've been following for so long. This will require some effort - but keep in mind that the reward is to be able to live the life you want and enjoy the level of success that you desire.
First start by going through your normal routine, then when you see yourself getting distracted and not following up on things that you wanted to do break the pattern. You can do this by doing something else, you can start following up on what you had planned to do, you can create a list and follow up with it regularly to see if you are on track. One thing that always works is to think about your goals every morning. As your in bed, think about your goals and think about what you can do to achieve them during the day.
If you find you constantly say: "I don't know what do to do to achieve them." Then you're not looking for answers in the right place. Take a look at what other people have done to achieve similar goals and see if you can follow the same process. For example: If you want to make more money take a look at someone else who has made a lot of money and see what they've done. Can you follow their process? Maybe you can even talk to them about the process? If you want to meet someone and be in a healthy relationship, talk to a friend who is in a successful relationship and find out what they did.
By doing the above exercises you train your mind to focus on finding solutions while at the same time you direct your subconscious mind to create the opportunities for you to succeed. Another important event takes place as well - you begin to create a new pattern of thinking and thus you start to train the mind to work differently. You're now telling your driver where you want to go.
A lot of times I get a comment similar to this from students: "Karim, I just can't seem to concentrate. My mind is all over the place, what can I do?" First understand that you're not going to magically get your mind to focus or concentrate without you taking some form of action. When you finally do take some action your mind will still resist -- but as you continue taking action the resistance will subside. So what action can you take?
First start with the exercise I just outlined above. Next - meditate. Meditation is one of the best ways to relax and calm your mind while training it to focus better. When you meditate you actually start to clear the clutter that dominates your mind. Another step that can follow is to train the mind by working with other techniques that get you focused on your goals. You can work with affirmations, visualization, get the mind to see possibilities instead of limitations, energize your mind and body by brining in the feeling of accomplishing your goals.
Make The Time
Finally I wanted to touch on one important topic that keeps coming up. It seems a lot of people have come to believe that they just don't have the time to achieve their goals. If you are one of the many who of people who believes this then you've really convinced yourself that your goals are not worthy of your time. Because if they were you would make the time for them. I'm not talking about spending an entire day or even a few hours. It's only a few minutes at different intervals. Why try to get everything crammed into one hour? Why not try to work with different techniques at different intervals during the day? For example: you may have a few minutes while you're taking a walk. Work with a technique. You could do some of these exercises while you're taking a shower, driving, walking, anytime. Here's a suggestion; the next time you are driving or taking a shower, pay attention to your thoughts. Are these thoughts actually working for your or against you? Would it be better to focus on your goals or keep recycling the negative clutter or junk in your head? The choice is yours - and taking action is really about taking a small step.
You don't need to spend hours meditating. Even if you simply mediated for 5 or 10 minutes a day you'd be able to increase your ability to concentrate and focus by a 100-percent within a matter of days! Do it for weeks or months and you'll have dramatic results. The Creating Power system is designed to fit into your everyday lifestyle. With Creating Power you don't have to do lengthy exercises for hours at a time. These exercises are structured so that you do them during the day -- and train your mind while it is consciously active
Disciplining your mind so that it is focused on your goals is crucial to your success. If your mind is not trained to focus on and achieve your goals then you really have no chance at success. Your mind is a direct link to your subconscious mind; if your mind is focused on your goals and is trained to achieve those goals then your subconscious mind will also be focused on these goals and will attract the situations and opportunities for you to achieve the success you want.
When your mind is focused on the results of those goals you'll take the action necessary to follow up and make sure you achieve those goals. The minute you get distracted for a prolonged period - you lose sight of your objective and fail to accomplish those goals.
Think of it this way, you're riding in a car driven by your personal driver and every time your driver asks you where you want to go you simply say: "I don't know. Wherever you want to go is fine with me." Then when your driver takes you to the place of his choice you complain and say: "I don't want to be here, take me somewhere else." And again you say you don't know where you want to go.
If you don't train your mind to focus on your goals then your subconscious mind cannot create the situations that will help you achieve those goals and in the end your subconscious gets confused - thus creating more confusion for you -- and you end up exactly where you don't want to be.
Let's go back to the example of your personal driver. Wouldn't it be a lot easier and more comfortable if you told your driver where you wanted to go - or even better - your driver knew where you wanted to go ahead of time? The latter will never happen if you don't train your driver or work with him to develop the ability to go where you want when you want.
Your mind is your driver - give it the right instructions and your subconscious mind will follow up by creating the opportunities for you to get to where you want to be.
When you have your mind focused on your goals you begin to find solutions and discover opportunities to help you achieve your goals. Your responsibility is to follow up on these opportunities.
How You Can Train Your Mind
Believe it or not I get a lot of calls and emails everyday from people who want to achieve their goals but simply can't get their mind to focus on the tasks that need to be done in order to have the success that they want. This happens because the mind is simply not used to focusing on your goals and following up with completing those tasks. Simply put - your mind is just not used to doing this. So how do you get your mind to change? How do you train your mind?
The first step is to get the mind to stop doing what it is used to doing - or break the pattern that you've been following for so long. This will require some effort - but keep in mind that the reward is to be able to live the life you want and enjoy the level of success that you desire.
First start by going through your normal routine, then when you see yourself getting distracted and not following up on things that you wanted to do break the pattern. You can do this by doing something else, you can start following up on what you had planned to do, you can create a list and follow up with it regularly to see if you are on track. One thing that always works is to think about your goals every morning. As your in bed, think about your goals and think about what you can do to achieve them during the day.
If you find you constantly say: "I don't know what do to do to achieve them." Then you're not looking for answers in the right place. Take a look at what other people have done to achieve similar goals and see if you can follow the same process. For example: If you want to make more money take a look at someone else who has made a lot of money and see what they've done. Can you follow their process? Maybe you can even talk to them about the process? If you want to meet someone and be in a healthy relationship, talk to a friend who is in a successful relationship and find out what they did.
By doing the above exercises you train your mind to focus on finding solutions while at the same time you direct your subconscious mind to create the opportunities for you to succeed. Another important event takes place as well - you begin to create a new pattern of thinking and thus you start to train the mind to work differently. You're now telling your driver where you want to go.
A lot of times I get a comment similar to this from students: "Karim, I just can't seem to concentrate. My mind is all over the place, what can I do?" First understand that you're not going to magically get your mind to focus or concentrate without you taking some form of action. When you finally do take some action your mind will still resist -- but as you continue taking action the resistance will subside. So what action can you take?
First start with the exercise I just outlined above. Next - meditate. Meditation is one of the best ways to relax and calm your mind while training it to focus better. When you meditate you actually start to clear the clutter that dominates your mind. Another step that can follow is to train the mind by working with other techniques that get you focused on your goals. You can work with affirmations, visualization, get the mind to see possibilities instead of limitations, energize your mind and body by brining in the feeling of accomplishing your goals.
Make The Time
Finally I wanted to touch on one important topic that keeps coming up. It seems a lot of people have come to believe that they just don't have the time to achieve their goals. If you are one of the many who of people who believes this then you've really convinced yourself that your goals are not worthy of your time. Because if they were you would make the time for them. I'm not talking about spending an entire day or even a few hours. It's only a few minutes at different intervals. Why try to get everything crammed into one hour? Why not try to work with different techniques at different intervals during the day? For example: you may have a few minutes while you're taking a walk. Work with a technique. You could do some of these exercises while you're taking a shower, driving, walking, anytime. Here's a suggestion; the next time you are driving or taking a shower, pay attention to your thoughts. Are these thoughts actually working for your or against you? Would it be better to focus on your goals or keep recycling the negative clutter or junk in your head? The choice is yours - and taking action is really about taking a small step.
You don't need to spend hours meditating. Even if you simply mediated for 5 or 10 minutes a day you'd be able to increase your ability to concentrate and focus by a 100-percent within a matter of days! Do it for weeks or months and you'll have dramatic results. The Creating Power system is designed to fit into your everyday lifestyle. With Creating Power you don't have to do lengthy exercises for hours at a time. These exercises are structured so that you do them during the day -- and train your mind while it is consciously active
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Presentation Skills
Introduction
Presentations and reports are ways of communicating ideas and information to a group. But unlike a report, a presentation carries the speaker's personality better and allows immediate interaction between all the participants. A good presentation has:
• Content - It contains information that people need. But unlike reports, which are read at the reader's own pace, presentations must account for how much information the audience can absorb in one sitting.
• Structure - It has a logical beginning, middle, and end. It must be sequenced and paced so that the audience can understand it. Where as reports have appendices and footnotes to guide the reader, the speaker must be careful not to loose the audience when wandering from the main point of the presentation.
• Packaging - It must be well prepared. A report can be reread and portions skipped over, but with a presentation, the audience is at the mercy of a presenter.
• Human Element - A good presentation will be remembered much more than a good report because it has a person attached to it. But you still need to analyze if the audience's needs would not be better met if a report was sent instead.
The Voice
The voice is probably the most valuable tool of the presenter. It carries most of the content that the audience takes away. One of the oddities of speech is that we can easily tell others what is wrong with their voice, e.g. too fast, too high, too soft, etc., but we have trouble listening to and changing our own voices.
There are four main terms used for defining vocal qualities:
• Volume: How loud the sound is. The goal is to be heard without shouting. Good speakers lower their voice to draw the audience in, and raise it to make a point.
• Tone: The characteristics of a sound. An airplane has a different sound than leaves being rustled by the wind. A voice that carries fear can frighten the audience, while a voice that carries laughter can get the audience to smile.
• Pitch: How high or low a note is.
• Pace: This is how long a sound lasts. Talking too fast causes the words and syllables to be short, while talking slowly lengthens them. Varying the pace helps to maintain the audience's interest.
• Color: Both projection and tone variance can be practiced by taking the line "This new policy is going to be exciting" and saying it first with surprise, then with irony, then with grief, and finally with anger. The key is to over-act. Remember Shakespeare's words "All the world's a stage" -- presentations are the opening night on Broadway!
There are two good methods for improving your voice:
1. Listen to it! Practice listening to your voice while at home, driving, walking, etc. Then when you are at work or with company, monitor your voice to see if you are using it how you want to.
2. To really listen to your voice, cup your right hand around your right ear and gently pull the ear forward. Next, cup your left hand around your mouth and direct the sound straight into your ear. This helps you to really hear your voice as others hear it...and it might be completely different from the voice you thought it was! Now practice moderating your voice.
The Body
Your body communicates different impressions to the audience. People not only listen to you, they also watch you. Slouching tells them you are indifferent or you do not care...even though you might care a great deal! On the other hand, displaying good posture tells your audience that you know what you are doing and you care deeply about it. Also, a good posture helps you to speak more clearly and effective.
Throughout you presentation, display:
• Eye contact: This helps to regulate the flow of communication. It signals interest in others and increases the speaker's credibility. Speakers who make eye contact open the flow of communication and convey interest, concern, warmth, and credibility.
• Facial Expressions: Smiling is a powerful cue that transmits happiness, friendliness, warmth, and liking. So, if you smile frequently you will be perceived as more likable, friendly, warm, and approachable. Smiling is often contagious and others will react favorably. They will be more comfortable around you and will want to listen to you more.
• Gestures: If you fail to gesture while speaking, you may be perceived as boring and stiff. A lively speaking style captures attention, makes the material more interesting, and facilitates understanding.
• Posture and body orientation: You communicate numerous messages by the way you talk and move. Standing erect and leaning forward communicates that you are approachable, receptive, and friendly. Interpersonal closeness results when you and your audience face each other. Speaking with your back turned or looking at the floor or ceiling should be avoided as it communicates disinterest.
• Proximity: Cultural norms dictate a comfortable distance for interaction with others. You should look for signals of discomfort caused by invading other's space. Some of these are: rocking, leg swinging, tapping, and gaze aversion. Typically, in large rooms, space invasion is not a problem. In most instances there is too much distance. To counteract this, move around the room to increase interaction with your audience. Increasing the proximity enables you to make better eye contact and increases the opportunities for others to speak.
• Voice. One of the major criticisms of speakers is that they speak in a monotone voice. Listeners perceive this type of speaker as boring and dull. People report that they learn less and lose interest more quickly when listening to those who have not learned to modulate their voices.
Active Listening
Good speakers not only inform their audience, they also listen to them. By listening, you know if they are understanding the information and if the information is important to them. Active listening is NOT the same as hearing! Hearing is the first part and consists of the perception of sound.
Listening, the second part, involves an attachment of meaning to the aural symbols that are perceived. Passive listening occurs when the receiver has little motivation to listen carefully. Active listening with a purpose is used to gain information, to determine how another person feels, and to understand others. Some good traits of effective listeners are:
• Spend more time listening than talking (but of course, as a presenter, you will be doing most of the talking).
• Do not finish the sentence of others.
• Do not answer questions with questions.
• Aware of biases. We all have them. We need to control them.
• Never daydream or become preoccupied with their own thoughts when others talk.
• Let the other speaker talk. Do not dominate the conversation.
• Plan responses after others have finished speaking...NOT while they are speaking. Their full concentration is on what others are saying, not on what they are going to respond with.
• Provide feedback but do not interrupt incessantly.
• Analyze by looking at all the relevant factors and asking open-ended questions. Walk the person through analysis (summarize).
• Keep the conversation on what the speaker says...NOT on what interest them.
Listening can be one of our most powerful communication tools! Be sure to use it!
Part of the listening process is getting feedback by changing and altering the message so the intention of the original communicator is understood by the second communicator. This is done by paraphrasing the words of the sender and restating the sender's feelings or ideas in your own words, rather than repeating their words.
Your words should be saying, "This is what I understand your feelings to be, am I correct?" It not only includes verbal responses, but also nonverbal ones. Nodding your head or squeezing their hand to show agreement, dipping your eyebrows to show you don't quite understand the meaning of their last phrase, or sucking air in deeply and blowing out hard shows that you are also exasperated with the situation.
Five main categories of feedback. They are listed in the order in which they occur most frequently in daily conversations (notice that we make judgments more often than we try to understand):
1. Evaluative: Makes a judgment about the worth, goodness, or appropriateness of the other person's statement.
2. Interpretive: Paraphrasing - attempt to explain what the other persons statement mean.
3. Supportive: Attempt to assist or bolster the other communicator
4. Probing: Attempt to gain additional information, continue the discussion, or clarify a point.
5. Understanding: Attempt to discover completely what the other communicator means by her statements.
Nerves
The main enemy of a presenter is tension, which ruins the voice, posture, and spontaneity. The voice becomes higher as the throat tenses. Shoulders tighten up and limits flexibility while the legs start to shake and causes unsteadiness. The presentation becomes "canned" as the speaker locks in on the notes and starts to read directly from them.
First, do not fight nerves, welcome them! Then you can get on with the presentation instead of focusing in on being nervous. Actors recognize the value of nerves...they add to the value of the performance. This is because adrenaline starts to kick in. It's a left over from our ancestors' "fight or flight" syndrome. If you welcome nerves, then the presentation becomes a challenge and you become better. If you let your nerves take over, then you go into the flight mode by withdrawing from the audience. Again, welcome your nerves, recognize them, let them help you gain that needed edge! Do not go into the flight mode! When you feel tension or anxiety, remember that everyone gets them, but the winners use them to their advantage, while the losers get overwhelmed by them.
Tension can be reduced by performing some relaxation exercises. Listed below are a couple to get you started:
• Before the presentation: Lie on the floor. Your back should be flat on the floor. Pull your feet towards you so that your knees are up in the air. Relax. Close your eyes. Fell your back spreading out and supporting your weight. Feel your neck lengthening. Work your way through your body, relaxing one section at a time - your toes, feet, legs, torso, etc. When finished, stand up slowly and try to maintain the relaxed feeling in a standing position.
• If you cannot lie down: Stand with you feet about 6 inches apart, arms hanging by your sides, and fingers unclenched. Gently shake each part of your body, starting with your hands, then arms, shoulders, torso, and legs. Concentrate on shaking out the tension. Then slowly rotate your shoulders forwards and the backwards. Move on to your head. Rotate it slowly clockwise, and then counter-clockwise.
• Mental Visualization: Before the presentation, visualize the room, audience, and you giving the presentation. Mentally go over what you are going to do from the moment you start to the end of the presentation.
• During the presentation: Take a moment to yourself by getting a drink of water, take a deep breath, concentrate on relaxing the most tense part of your body, and then return to the presentation saying to your self, "I can do it!"
• You do NOT need to get rid of anxiety and tension! Channel the energy into concentration and expressiveness.
• Know that anxiety and tension is not as noticeable to the audience as it is to you.
• Know that even the best presenters make mistakes. The key is to continue on after the mistake. If you pick up and continue, so will the audience. Winners continue! Losers stop!
• Never drink alcohol to reduce tension! It affects not only your coordination but also your awareness of coordination. You might not realize it, but your audience will!
Questions
Keep cool if a questioner disagrees with you. You are a professional! No matter how hard you try, not everyone in the world will agree with you!
Although some people get a perverse pleasure from putting others on the spot, and some try to look good in front of the boss, most people ask questions from a genuine interest. Questions do not mean you did not explain the topic good enough, but that their interest is deeper than the average audience.
Always allow time at the end of the presentation for questions. After inviting questions, do not rush ahead if no one asks a question. Pause for about 6 seconds to allow the audience to gather their thoughts. When a question is asked, repeat the question to ensure that everyone heard it (and that you heard it correctly). When answering, direct your remarks to the entire audience. That way, you keep everyone focused, not just the questioner. To reinforce your presentation, try to relate the question back to the main points.
Make sure you listen to the question being asked. If you do not understand it, ask them to clarify. Pause to think about the question as the answer you give may be correct, but ignore the main issue. If you do not know the answer, be honest, do not waffle. Tell them you will get back to them...and make sure you do!
Answers that last 10 to 40 seconds work best. If they are too short, they seem abrupt; while longer answers appear too elaborate. Also, be sure to keep on track. Do not let off-the-wall questions sidetrack you into areas that are not relevant to the presentation.
If someone takes issue with something you said, try to find a way to agree with part of their argument. For example, "Yes, I understand your position..." or "I'm glad you raised that point, but..." The idea is to praise their point and agree with them. Audiences sometimes tend to think of "us verses you." You do not want to risk alienating them.
Preparing the Presentation
After a concert, a fan rushed up to singer and gushed, "I'd give up my whole life to play as beautifully as you do." singer, "I did."
To fail to prepare is to prepare to fail.
Great presentations require some preplanning. First, read Meetings for an outline of preparing and conducting a meeting, such as acquiring a room, informing participants, etc. A presentation follows the same basic guidelines as preparing for a meeting.
The second step is to prepare the presentation. A good presentation starts out with introductions and an icebreaker such as a story, interesting statement or fact, joke, quotation, or an activity to get the group warmed up. The introduction also needs an objective, that is, the purpose or goal of the presentation. This not only tells you what you will talk about, but it also informs the audience of the purpose of the presentation.
Next, comes the body of the presentation. Do NOT write it out word for word. All you want is an outline. By jotting down the main points on a set of index cards, you not only have your outline, but also a memory jogger for the actual presentation. To prepare the presentation, ask yourself the following:
• What is the purpose of the presentation?
• Who will be attending?
• What does the audience already know about the subject?
• What is the audience's attitude towards me (e.g. hostile, friendly)?
A 45 minutes talk should have no more than about seven main points. This may not seem like very many, but if you are to leave the audience with a clear picture of what you have said, you cannot expect them to remember much more than that. There are several options for structuring the presentation:
• Timeline: Arranged in sequential order.
• Climax: The main points are delivered in order of increasing importance.
• Problem/Solution: A problem is presented, a solution is suggested, and benefits are then given.
• Classification: The important items are the major points.
• Simple to complex: Ideas are listed from the simplest to the most complex. Can also be done in reverse order.
You want to include some visual information that will help the audience understand your presentation. Develop charts, graphs, slides, handouts, etc.
After the body, comes the closing. This is where you ask for questions, provide a wrap-up (summary), and thank the participants for attending.
Notice that you told them what they are about to hear (the objective), told them (the body), and told them what they heard (the wrap up).
And finally, the important part - practice, practice, practice. The main purpose of creating an outline is to develop a coherent plan of what you want to talk about. You should know your presentation so well, that during the actual presentation, you should only have to briefly glance at your notes to ensure you are staying on track. This will also help you with your nerves by giving you the confidence that you can do it. Your practice session should include a "live" session by practicing in front of coworkers, family, or friends. They can be valuable at providing feedback and it gives you a chance to practice controlling your nerves. Another great feedback technique is to make a video or audio tape of your presentation and review it critically with a colleague.
Habits
We all have a few habits, and some are more annoying than others. For example, if we say "uh," "you know," or put our hands in our pockets and jingle our keys too often during a presentation, it distracts from the message we are trying to get across.
The best way to break one of these distracting habits is with immediate feedback. This can be done with a small group of coworkers, family, or friends. Take turns giving small off-the-cuff talks about your favorite hobby, work project, first work assignment, etc. It talk should last about five minutes. During a speaker's first talk, the audience should listen and watch for annoying habits.
After the presentation, the audience should agree on the worst two or three habits that take the most away from the presentation. After agreement, each audience member should write these habits on a 8 1/2" x 11" sheet of paper (such as the word "Uh"). Use a magic marker and write in BIG letters.
The next time the person gives her or his talk, each audience member should wave the corresponding sign in the air whenever they hear or see the annoying habit. For most people, this method will break a habit by practicing at least once a day for one to two weeks.
Tips and Techniques For Great Presentations
Binita Pokhrel was a shy young girl who was terrified at the thought of speaking in public. But with each passing year, she grew in confidence and self-esteem. She once said, "No one can make you feel inferior, unless you agree with it."
• If you have handouts, do not read straight from them. The audience does not know if they should read along with you or listen to you read.
• Do not put both hands in your pockets for long periods of time. This tends to make you look unprofessional. It is OK to put one hand in a pocket but ensure there is no loose change or keys to jingle around. This will distract the listeners.
• Do not wave a pointer around in the air like a wild knight branding a sword to slay a dragon. Use the pointer for what it is intended and then put it down, otherwise the audience will become fixated upon your "sword", instead upon you.
• Do not lean on the podium for long periods. The audience will begin to wonder when you are going to fall over.
• Speak to the audience...NOT to the visual aids, such as flip charts or overheads. Also, do not stand between the visual aid and the audience.
• Speak clearly and loudly enough for all to hear. Do not speak in a monotone voice. Use inflection to emphasize your main points.
• The disadvantages of presentations is that people cannot see the punctuation and this can lead to misunderstandings. An effective way of overcoming this problem is to pause at the time when there would normally be punctuation marks.
• Use colored backgrounds on overhead transparencies and slides (such as yellow) as the bright white light can be harsh on the eyes. This will quickly cause your audience to tire. If all of your transparencies or slides have clear backgrounds, then tape one blank yellow one on the overhead face. For slides, use a rubber band to hold a piece of colored cellophane over the projector lens.
• Learn the name of each participant as quickly as possible. Based upon the atmosphere you want to create, call them by their first names or by using Mr., Mrs., Miss, Ms.
• Tell them what name and title you prefer to be called.
• Listen intently to comments and opinions. By using a lateral thinking technique (adding to ideas rather than dismissing them), the audience will feel that their ideas, comments, and opinions are worthwhile.
• Circulate around the room as you speak. This movement creates a physical closeness to the audience.
• List and discuss your objectives at the beginning of the presentation. Let the audience know how your presentation fits in with their goals. Discuss some of the fears and apprehensions that both you and the audience might have. Tell them what they should expect of you and how you will contribute to their goals.
• Vary your techniques (lecture, discussion, debate, films, slides, reading, etc.)
• Get to the presentation before your audience arrives; be the last one to leave.
• Be prepared to use an alternate approach if the one you've chosen seems to bog down. You should be confident enough with your own material so that the audience's interests and concerns, not the presentation outline, determines the format. Use your background, experience, and knowledge to interrelate your subject matter.
• When writing on flip charts use no more than 7 lines of text per page and no more than 7 word per line (the 7 7 rule). Also, use bright and bold colors, and pictures as well as text.
• Consider the time of day and how long you have got for your talk. Time of day can affect the audience. After lunch is known as the graveyard section in training circles as audiences will feel more like a nap than listening to a talk.
• Most people find that if they practice in their head, the actual talk will take about 25 per cent longer. Using a flip chart or other visual aids also adds to the time. Remember - it is better to finish slightly early than to overrun.
Presentations and reports are ways of communicating ideas and information to a group. But unlike a report, a presentation carries the speaker's personality better and allows immediate interaction between all the participants. A good presentation has:
• Content - It contains information that people need. But unlike reports, which are read at the reader's own pace, presentations must account for how much information the audience can absorb in one sitting.
• Structure - It has a logical beginning, middle, and end. It must be sequenced and paced so that the audience can understand it. Where as reports have appendices and footnotes to guide the reader, the speaker must be careful not to loose the audience when wandering from the main point of the presentation.
• Packaging - It must be well prepared. A report can be reread and portions skipped over, but with a presentation, the audience is at the mercy of a presenter.
• Human Element - A good presentation will be remembered much more than a good report because it has a person attached to it. But you still need to analyze if the audience's needs would not be better met if a report was sent instead.
The Voice
The voice is probably the most valuable tool of the presenter. It carries most of the content that the audience takes away. One of the oddities of speech is that we can easily tell others what is wrong with their voice, e.g. too fast, too high, too soft, etc., but we have trouble listening to and changing our own voices.
There are four main terms used for defining vocal qualities:
• Volume: How loud the sound is. The goal is to be heard without shouting. Good speakers lower their voice to draw the audience in, and raise it to make a point.
• Tone: The characteristics of a sound. An airplane has a different sound than leaves being rustled by the wind. A voice that carries fear can frighten the audience, while a voice that carries laughter can get the audience to smile.
• Pitch: How high or low a note is.
• Pace: This is how long a sound lasts. Talking too fast causes the words and syllables to be short, while talking slowly lengthens them. Varying the pace helps to maintain the audience's interest.
• Color: Both projection and tone variance can be practiced by taking the line "This new policy is going to be exciting" and saying it first with surprise, then with irony, then with grief, and finally with anger. The key is to over-act. Remember Shakespeare's words "All the world's a stage" -- presentations are the opening night on Broadway!
There are two good methods for improving your voice:
1. Listen to it! Practice listening to your voice while at home, driving, walking, etc. Then when you are at work or with company, monitor your voice to see if you are using it how you want to.
2. To really listen to your voice, cup your right hand around your right ear and gently pull the ear forward. Next, cup your left hand around your mouth and direct the sound straight into your ear. This helps you to really hear your voice as others hear it...and it might be completely different from the voice you thought it was! Now practice moderating your voice.
The Body
Your body communicates different impressions to the audience. People not only listen to you, they also watch you. Slouching tells them you are indifferent or you do not care...even though you might care a great deal! On the other hand, displaying good posture tells your audience that you know what you are doing and you care deeply about it. Also, a good posture helps you to speak more clearly and effective.
Throughout you presentation, display:
• Eye contact: This helps to regulate the flow of communication. It signals interest in others and increases the speaker's credibility. Speakers who make eye contact open the flow of communication and convey interest, concern, warmth, and credibility.
• Facial Expressions: Smiling is a powerful cue that transmits happiness, friendliness, warmth, and liking. So, if you smile frequently you will be perceived as more likable, friendly, warm, and approachable. Smiling is often contagious and others will react favorably. They will be more comfortable around you and will want to listen to you more.
• Gestures: If you fail to gesture while speaking, you may be perceived as boring and stiff. A lively speaking style captures attention, makes the material more interesting, and facilitates understanding.
• Posture and body orientation: You communicate numerous messages by the way you talk and move. Standing erect and leaning forward communicates that you are approachable, receptive, and friendly. Interpersonal closeness results when you and your audience face each other. Speaking with your back turned or looking at the floor or ceiling should be avoided as it communicates disinterest.
• Proximity: Cultural norms dictate a comfortable distance for interaction with others. You should look for signals of discomfort caused by invading other's space. Some of these are: rocking, leg swinging, tapping, and gaze aversion. Typically, in large rooms, space invasion is not a problem. In most instances there is too much distance. To counteract this, move around the room to increase interaction with your audience. Increasing the proximity enables you to make better eye contact and increases the opportunities for others to speak.
• Voice. One of the major criticisms of speakers is that they speak in a monotone voice. Listeners perceive this type of speaker as boring and dull. People report that they learn less and lose interest more quickly when listening to those who have not learned to modulate their voices.
Active Listening
Good speakers not only inform their audience, they also listen to them. By listening, you know if they are understanding the information and if the information is important to them. Active listening is NOT the same as hearing! Hearing is the first part and consists of the perception of sound.
Listening, the second part, involves an attachment of meaning to the aural symbols that are perceived. Passive listening occurs when the receiver has little motivation to listen carefully. Active listening with a purpose is used to gain information, to determine how another person feels, and to understand others. Some good traits of effective listeners are:
• Spend more time listening than talking (but of course, as a presenter, you will be doing most of the talking).
• Do not finish the sentence of others.
• Do not answer questions with questions.
• Aware of biases. We all have them. We need to control them.
• Never daydream or become preoccupied with their own thoughts when others talk.
• Let the other speaker talk. Do not dominate the conversation.
• Plan responses after others have finished speaking...NOT while they are speaking. Their full concentration is on what others are saying, not on what they are going to respond with.
• Provide feedback but do not interrupt incessantly.
• Analyze by looking at all the relevant factors and asking open-ended questions. Walk the person through analysis (summarize).
• Keep the conversation on what the speaker says...NOT on what interest them.
Listening can be one of our most powerful communication tools! Be sure to use it!
Part of the listening process is getting feedback by changing and altering the message so the intention of the original communicator is understood by the second communicator. This is done by paraphrasing the words of the sender and restating the sender's feelings or ideas in your own words, rather than repeating their words.
Your words should be saying, "This is what I understand your feelings to be, am I correct?" It not only includes verbal responses, but also nonverbal ones. Nodding your head or squeezing their hand to show agreement, dipping your eyebrows to show you don't quite understand the meaning of their last phrase, or sucking air in deeply and blowing out hard shows that you are also exasperated with the situation.
Five main categories of feedback. They are listed in the order in which they occur most frequently in daily conversations (notice that we make judgments more often than we try to understand):
1. Evaluative: Makes a judgment about the worth, goodness, or appropriateness of the other person's statement.
2. Interpretive: Paraphrasing - attempt to explain what the other persons statement mean.
3. Supportive: Attempt to assist or bolster the other communicator
4. Probing: Attempt to gain additional information, continue the discussion, or clarify a point.
5. Understanding: Attempt to discover completely what the other communicator means by her statements.
Nerves
The main enemy of a presenter is tension, which ruins the voice, posture, and spontaneity. The voice becomes higher as the throat tenses. Shoulders tighten up and limits flexibility while the legs start to shake and causes unsteadiness. The presentation becomes "canned" as the speaker locks in on the notes and starts to read directly from them.
First, do not fight nerves, welcome them! Then you can get on with the presentation instead of focusing in on being nervous. Actors recognize the value of nerves...they add to the value of the performance. This is because adrenaline starts to kick in. It's a left over from our ancestors' "fight or flight" syndrome. If you welcome nerves, then the presentation becomes a challenge and you become better. If you let your nerves take over, then you go into the flight mode by withdrawing from the audience. Again, welcome your nerves, recognize them, let them help you gain that needed edge! Do not go into the flight mode! When you feel tension or anxiety, remember that everyone gets them, but the winners use them to their advantage, while the losers get overwhelmed by them.
Tension can be reduced by performing some relaxation exercises. Listed below are a couple to get you started:
• Before the presentation: Lie on the floor. Your back should be flat on the floor. Pull your feet towards you so that your knees are up in the air. Relax. Close your eyes. Fell your back spreading out and supporting your weight. Feel your neck lengthening. Work your way through your body, relaxing one section at a time - your toes, feet, legs, torso, etc. When finished, stand up slowly and try to maintain the relaxed feeling in a standing position.
• If you cannot lie down: Stand with you feet about 6 inches apart, arms hanging by your sides, and fingers unclenched. Gently shake each part of your body, starting with your hands, then arms, shoulders, torso, and legs. Concentrate on shaking out the tension. Then slowly rotate your shoulders forwards and the backwards. Move on to your head. Rotate it slowly clockwise, and then counter-clockwise.
• Mental Visualization: Before the presentation, visualize the room, audience, and you giving the presentation. Mentally go over what you are going to do from the moment you start to the end of the presentation.
• During the presentation: Take a moment to yourself by getting a drink of water, take a deep breath, concentrate on relaxing the most tense part of your body, and then return to the presentation saying to your self, "I can do it!"
• You do NOT need to get rid of anxiety and tension! Channel the energy into concentration and expressiveness.
• Know that anxiety and tension is not as noticeable to the audience as it is to you.
• Know that even the best presenters make mistakes. The key is to continue on after the mistake. If you pick up and continue, so will the audience. Winners continue! Losers stop!
• Never drink alcohol to reduce tension! It affects not only your coordination but also your awareness of coordination. You might not realize it, but your audience will!
Questions
Keep cool if a questioner disagrees with you. You are a professional! No matter how hard you try, not everyone in the world will agree with you!
Although some people get a perverse pleasure from putting others on the spot, and some try to look good in front of the boss, most people ask questions from a genuine interest. Questions do not mean you did not explain the topic good enough, but that their interest is deeper than the average audience.
Always allow time at the end of the presentation for questions. After inviting questions, do not rush ahead if no one asks a question. Pause for about 6 seconds to allow the audience to gather their thoughts. When a question is asked, repeat the question to ensure that everyone heard it (and that you heard it correctly). When answering, direct your remarks to the entire audience. That way, you keep everyone focused, not just the questioner. To reinforce your presentation, try to relate the question back to the main points.
Make sure you listen to the question being asked. If you do not understand it, ask them to clarify. Pause to think about the question as the answer you give may be correct, but ignore the main issue. If you do not know the answer, be honest, do not waffle. Tell them you will get back to them...and make sure you do!
Answers that last 10 to 40 seconds work best. If they are too short, they seem abrupt; while longer answers appear too elaborate. Also, be sure to keep on track. Do not let off-the-wall questions sidetrack you into areas that are not relevant to the presentation.
If someone takes issue with something you said, try to find a way to agree with part of their argument. For example, "Yes, I understand your position..." or "I'm glad you raised that point, but..." The idea is to praise their point and agree with them. Audiences sometimes tend to think of "us verses you." You do not want to risk alienating them.
Preparing the Presentation
After a concert, a fan rushed up to singer and gushed, "I'd give up my whole life to play as beautifully as you do." singer, "I did."
To fail to prepare is to prepare to fail.
Great presentations require some preplanning. First, read Meetings for an outline of preparing and conducting a meeting, such as acquiring a room, informing participants, etc. A presentation follows the same basic guidelines as preparing for a meeting.
The second step is to prepare the presentation. A good presentation starts out with introductions and an icebreaker such as a story, interesting statement or fact, joke, quotation, or an activity to get the group warmed up. The introduction also needs an objective, that is, the purpose or goal of the presentation. This not only tells you what you will talk about, but it also informs the audience of the purpose of the presentation.
Next, comes the body of the presentation. Do NOT write it out word for word. All you want is an outline. By jotting down the main points on a set of index cards, you not only have your outline, but also a memory jogger for the actual presentation. To prepare the presentation, ask yourself the following:
• What is the purpose of the presentation?
• Who will be attending?
• What does the audience already know about the subject?
• What is the audience's attitude towards me (e.g. hostile, friendly)?
A 45 minutes talk should have no more than about seven main points. This may not seem like very many, but if you are to leave the audience with a clear picture of what you have said, you cannot expect them to remember much more than that. There are several options for structuring the presentation:
• Timeline: Arranged in sequential order.
• Climax: The main points are delivered in order of increasing importance.
• Problem/Solution: A problem is presented, a solution is suggested, and benefits are then given.
• Classification: The important items are the major points.
• Simple to complex: Ideas are listed from the simplest to the most complex. Can also be done in reverse order.
You want to include some visual information that will help the audience understand your presentation. Develop charts, graphs, slides, handouts, etc.
After the body, comes the closing. This is where you ask for questions, provide a wrap-up (summary), and thank the participants for attending.
Notice that you told them what they are about to hear (the objective), told them (the body), and told them what they heard (the wrap up).
And finally, the important part - practice, practice, practice. The main purpose of creating an outline is to develop a coherent plan of what you want to talk about. You should know your presentation so well, that during the actual presentation, you should only have to briefly glance at your notes to ensure you are staying on track. This will also help you with your nerves by giving you the confidence that you can do it. Your practice session should include a "live" session by practicing in front of coworkers, family, or friends. They can be valuable at providing feedback and it gives you a chance to practice controlling your nerves. Another great feedback technique is to make a video or audio tape of your presentation and review it critically with a colleague.
Habits
We all have a few habits, and some are more annoying than others. For example, if we say "uh," "you know," or put our hands in our pockets and jingle our keys too often during a presentation, it distracts from the message we are trying to get across.
The best way to break one of these distracting habits is with immediate feedback. This can be done with a small group of coworkers, family, or friends. Take turns giving small off-the-cuff talks about your favorite hobby, work project, first work assignment, etc. It talk should last about five minutes. During a speaker's first talk, the audience should listen and watch for annoying habits.
After the presentation, the audience should agree on the worst two or three habits that take the most away from the presentation. After agreement, each audience member should write these habits on a 8 1/2" x 11" sheet of paper (such as the word "Uh"). Use a magic marker and write in BIG letters.
The next time the person gives her or his talk, each audience member should wave the corresponding sign in the air whenever they hear or see the annoying habit. For most people, this method will break a habit by practicing at least once a day for one to two weeks.
Tips and Techniques For Great Presentations
Binita Pokhrel was a shy young girl who was terrified at the thought of speaking in public. But with each passing year, she grew in confidence and self-esteem. She once said, "No one can make you feel inferior, unless you agree with it."
• If you have handouts, do not read straight from them. The audience does not know if they should read along with you or listen to you read.
• Do not put both hands in your pockets for long periods of time. This tends to make you look unprofessional. It is OK to put one hand in a pocket but ensure there is no loose change or keys to jingle around. This will distract the listeners.
• Do not wave a pointer around in the air like a wild knight branding a sword to slay a dragon. Use the pointer for what it is intended and then put it down, otherwise the audience will become fixated upon your "sword", instead upon you.
• Do not lean on the podium for long periods. The audience will begin to wonder when you are going to fall over.
• Speak to the audience...NOT to the visual aids, such as flip charts or overheads. Also, do not stand between the visual aid and the audience.
• Speak clearly and loudly enough for all to hear. Do not speak in a monotone voice. Use inflection to emphasize your main points.
• The disadvantages of presentations is that people cannot see the punctuation and this can lead to misunderstandings. An effective way of overcoming this problem is to pause at the time when there would normally be punctuation marks.
• Use colored backgrounds on overhead transparencies and slides (such as yellow) as the bright white light can be harsh on the eyes. This will quickly cause your audience to tire. If all of your transparencies or slides have clear backgrounds, then tape one blank yellow one on the overhead face. For slides, use a rubber band to hold a piece of colored cellophane over the projector lens.
• Learn the name of each participant as quickly as possible. Based upon the atmosphere you want to create, call them by their first names or by using Mr., Mrs., Miss, Ms.
• Tell them what name and title you prefer to be called.
• Listen intently to comments and opinions. By using a lateral thinking technique (adding to ideas rather than dismissing them), the audience will feel that their ideas, comments, and opinions are worthwhile.
• Circulate around the room as you speak. This movement creates a physical closeness to the audience.
• List and discuss your objectives at the beginning of the presentation. Let the audience know how your presentation fits in with their goals. Discuss some of the fears and apprehensions that both you and the audience might have. Tell them what they should expect of you and how you will contribute to their goals.
• Vary your techniques (lecture, discussion, debate, films, slides, reading, etc.)
• Get to the presentation before your audience arrives; be the last one to leave.
• Be prepared to use an alternate approach if the one you've chosen seems to bog down. You should be confident enough with your own material so that the audience's interests and concerns, not the presentation outline, determines the format. Use your background, experience, and knowledge to interrelate your subject matter.
• When writing on flip charts use no more than 7 lines of text per page and no more than 7 word per line (the 7 7 rule). Also, use bright and bold colors, and pictures as well as text.
• Consider the time of day and how long you have got for your talk. Time of day can affect the audience. After lunch is known as the graveyard section in training circles as audiences will feel more like a nap than listening to a talk.
• Most people find that if they practice in their head, the actual talk will take about 25 per cent longer. Using a flip chart or other visual aids also adds to the time. Remember - it is better to finish slightly early than to overrun.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Self Confidence
Self-Confidence
Self-confidence: "Confidence in oneself or one's abilities."
Synonyms: "confidence, assurance, self-assurance, self-possession, aplomb"
"Confidence, self-confidence, assurance, self-assurance, self-possession, aplomb are comparable when denoting either a state of mind free from diffidence, misgivings, or embarrassment or the easy, cool, or collected bearing or behavior resulting from this attitude. Confidence stresses faith in oneself and in one's powers; it does not as a rule imply conceit nor preclude the suggestions of support from external agencies or influences or of modest recognition of that assistance ... When self-sufficiency is connoted, self-confidence commonly replaces confidence ... Assurance is distinguishable from confidence only by its far stronger implication of certainty and its frequent suggestion of arrogance; thus, one meets a situation with confidence when one's belief in one's powers is strong, but with assurance when one never questions the outcome or the rightness of what one is saying or doing ... Self-assurance implies an assured self-confidence ... Self-possession implies an ease or coolness arising from command over one's powers; it connotes, usually, controlled but not repressed emotions and actions, or speech free from flurry and appropriate to the situation ... Aplomb describes the behavior or, less often, the bearing of one whose assurance or self-possession is conspicuously but not necessarily disagreeably evident ... "
Analogous: "composure, equanimity, sureness, sanguineness"
10 Tips to Improve Your Self Esteem
Striving to improve our self esteem is on everybody’s mind. It doesn’t matter if you actively pursue this goal or you are sub-consciously working on improving your self esteem. The problem with this is that you really don’t know exactly what you want to improve. You’re acting intuitively on external signals.
Do you know how to improve your self esteem? Probably not. To make it a little bit easier for you and to achieve your goals quicker I put together 10 tips that you can utilize right away.
1. Build up your self-esteem. You must take an inventory. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others? Try to make only one change at a time. Always check your progress before making another change.
2. Celebrate your journey, not your destination. Learn to always feel good about where you are now, and to exude self-confidence about anywhere you might find yourself tomorrow.
3. Set clear goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly. Apply this regularly and you will notice a difference.
4. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you. Proactive people tent to be more successful in their career.
5. Treat each person you meet as if she or he is truly important. (You'll be amazed how this works.)
6. Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.
7. Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person's name. If in doubt simply ask for the name again 2 or 3 sentences into the conversation.
8. Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name. Apply all your listening skills to visibly respond. The body language is the most important part of a conversation. Practice, practice, practice…
9. Pay more attention to the other person than to yourself. Are you responding to what may be going on in his or her life? Don't filter out bad news. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Be caring.
10. Stay "in the moment." Don't mentally cut off the other person. Don't reload while he or she is speaking. What this means is that you need to focus on the other person 100% during a conversation. Anything less is considered rude.
Next time you meet somebody new look out for these behaviors. Put a mental checkmark on the each of the 10 tips and see how well this person scored. Chances are that the person scored very high if you tent to like her/him. On the contraire the person probably scored low if you don’t seem to connect.
The more you practice the more likely you will create a positive aura which is commonly known as charisma. To step up to become a charismatic personality it takes more than just these 10 tips.
Creating a positive aura will benefit you in every thing you do. You will create a warmer ambience with your family. You will be more successful in your career. Even while trying to meet a partner of the opposite sex you will notice a difference on how people perceive you.
How to Build Rock Solid Self Confidence
You have probably noticed those people at work, school, and in your daily life that always appear to be self-confident and on top of world.
Everything seems to go right for these people and they always seem to present themselves as calm, collected and successful in everything they do.
If you are paying attention you have probably noticed that these self-confident people usually are successful in every area of their lives.
Is this because they are smarter? Or is it because they have more money? Maybe they are just lucky?
The reality is that none of these things are necessarily true. Self-confident people understand the impact of believing in themselves and relying on their abilities.
This confidence ultimately creates opportunities for success and with each new success another self-confidence building block is put into place. Success builds upon success reinforcing self-confidence with each new achievement.
Self confident people perceive themselves as able to achieve those things they set out to do and this perception creates reality in their lives.
Yes, perception creates reality. You can become the person you want to be. You have heard it said that if you can believe it you can achieve it.
So start believing in yourself, acting on that belief and you will start building self confidence in your life.
Here are some helpful tips to build self confidence one success at a time.
1. Make a list of your strong points.
All the positive things about yourself and the things that you are good at doing. Think of compliments you have received or things that come easily to you. It doesn't matter what it is, if it's good, write it down.
2. Choose two of those things that you want to work on to improve even more.
It's important to succeed and by concentrating on the areas you are already good at you will have a better chance of becoming even more sure of yourself. Remember that success builds upon success.
3. Exude confidence even if you don't feel like it.
Talk to yourself in an encouraging way and stay away from negative thoughts and people as you can.
Instead surround yourself with positive, confident, and successful people. This will become a habit and one that will build confidence.
4. Look at yourself in a different way than you are used to doing.
It can change your life and help your confidence level to rise. See yourself as the self confident person you want to be and before you know it you will become that person.
If you have a set-back do not let it get the best of you. Remember the times when you exhibited self confidence and how good it felt and then try again and each time will help you to build confidence and confidence building will become a way of life.
Self-confidence: "Confidence in oneself or one's abilities."
Synonyms: "confidence, assurance, self-assurance, self-possession, aplomb"
"Confidence, self-confidence, assurance, self-assurance, self-possession, aplomb are comparable when denoting either a state of mind free from diffidence, misgivings, or embarrassment or the easy, cool, or collected bearing or behavior resulting from this attitude. Confidence stresses faith in oneself and in one's powers; it does not as a rule imply conceit nor preclude the suggestions of support from external agencies or influences or of modest recognition of that assistance ... When self-sufficiency is connoted, self-confidence commonly replaces confidence ... Assurance is distinguishable from confidence only by its far stronger implication of certainty and its frequent suggestion of arrogance; thus, one meets a situation with confidence when one's belief in one's powers is strong, but with assurance when one never questions the outcome or the rightness of what one is saying or doing ... Self-assurance implies an assured self-confidence ... Self-possession implies an ease or coolness arising from command over one's powers; it connotes, usually, controlled but not repressed emotions and actions, or speech free from flurry and appropriate to the situation ... Aplomb describes the behavior or, less often, the bearing of one whose assurance or self-possession is conspicuously but not necessarily disagreeably evident ... "
Analogous: "composure, equanimity, sureness, sanguineness"
10 Tips to Improve Your Self Esteem
Striving to improve our self esteem is on everybody’s mind. It doesn’t matter if you actively pursue this goal or you are sub-consciously working on improving your self esteem. The problem with this is that you really don’t know exactly what you want to improve. You’re acting intuitively on external signals.
Do you know how to improve your self esteem? Probably not. To make it a little bit easier for you and to achieve your goals quicker I put together 10 tips that you can utilize right away.
1. Build up your self-esteem. You must take an inventory. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others? Try to make only one change at a time. Always check your progress before making another change.
2. Celebrate your journey, not your destination. Learn to always feel good about where you are now, and to exude self-confidence about anywhere you might find yourself tomorrow.
3. Set clear goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly. Apply this regularly and you will notice a difference.
4. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you. Proactive people tent to be more successful in their career.
5. Treat each person you meet as if she or he is truly important. (You'll be amazed how this works.)
6. Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.
7. Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person's name. If in doubt simply ask for the name again 2 or 3 sentences into the conversation.
8. Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name. Apply all your listening skills to visibly respond. The body language is the most important part of a conversation. Practice, practice, practice…
9. Pay more attention to the other person than to yourself. Are you responding to what may be going on in his or her life? Don't filter out bad news. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Be caring.
10. Stay "in the moment." Don't mentally cut off the other person. Don't reload while he or she is speaking. What this means is that you need to focus on the other person 100% during a conversation. Anything less is considered rude.
Next time you meet somebody new look out for these behaviors. Put a mental checkmark on the each of the 10 tips and see how well this person scored. Chances are that the person scored very high if you tent to like her/him. On the contraire the person probably scored low if you don’t seem to connect.
The more you practice the more likely you will create a positive aura which is commonly known as charisma. To step up to become a charismatic personality it takes more than just these 10 tips.
Creating a positive aura will benefit you in every thing you do. You will create a warmer ambience with your family. You will be more successful in your career. Even while trying to meet a partner of the opposite sex you will notice a difference on how people perceive you.
How to Build Rock Solid Self Confidence
You have probably noticed those people at work, school, and in your daily life that always appear to be self-confident and on top of world.
Everything seems to go right for these people and they always seem to present themselves as calm, collected and successful in everything they do.
If you are paying attention you have probably noticed that these self-confident people usually are successful in every area of their lives.
Is this because they are smarter? Or is it because they have more money? Maybe they are just lucky?
The reality is that none of these things are necessarily true. Self-confident people understand the impact of believing in themselves and relying on their abilities.
This confidence ultimately creates opportunities for success and with each new success another self-confidence building block is put into place. Success builds upon success reinforcing self-confidence with each new achievement.
Self confident people perceive themselves as able to achieve those things they set out to do and this perception creates reality in their lives.
Yes, perception creates reality. You can become the person you want to be. You have heard it said that if you can believe it you can achieve it.
So start believing in yourself, acting on that belief and you will start building self confidence in your life.
Here are some helpful tips to build self confidence one success at a time.
1. Make a list of your strong points.
All the positive things about yourself and the things that you are good at doing. Think of compliments you have received or things that come easily to you. It doesn't matter what it is, if it's good, write it down.
2. Choose two of those things that you want to work on to improve even more.
It's important to succeed and by concentrating on the areas you are already good at you will have a better chance of becoming even more sure of yourself. Remember that success builds upon success.
3. Exude confidence even if you don't feel like it.
Talk to yourself in an encouraging way and stay away from negative thoughts and people as you can.
Instead surround yourself with positive, confident, and successful people. This will become a habit and one that will build confidence.
4. Look at yourself in a different way than you are used to doing.
It can change your life and help your confidence level to rise. See yourself as the self confident person you want to be and before you know it you will become that person.
If you have a set-back do not let it get the best of you. Remember the times when you exhibited self confidence and how good it felt and then try again and each time will help you to build confidence and confidence building will become a way of life.
Change your LIfe
5 Ways To Stay Focused On Your Goals
No matter how excited you are about your business, with so many distractions and things that may be going on in your life, you can easily find yourself losing focus on your goals and what you want to accomplish. Below you will find 5 things that will help you stay focused on your goals.
FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED
You probably have heard the saying, "So many things to do and not enough time to do them." Even though that may be true, you still have to complete them all, especially if these things help you to reach your goals. To make it easier for you, just take 1 thing you have to do and complete that task until it is done. When it is done, you will feel a sense of accomplishment and it will motivate you to move on to your next task.
ORGANIZE TO MAKE THINGS EASY AND SIMPLE
Take a moment to put things in order. If people write to you or send you orders in the mail, make 3 piles. Put the letters that need to be answered right away in the 1st pile. Letters that can be answered at a later date you can put in the 2nd pile and letters that have orders in them, you can put in the 3rd pile. Doing things like this in other areas of your life will help you keep things in priority and keep you focused on your goals.
CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THINGS
If you find yourself at times having a negative attitude, you must realize that the way you look at things can make all the difference when it comes to reaching your goals. Even when obstacles stand in your way, maintaining a positive attitude, not a negative one and knowing that things can and will get better, will help you stay on track in reaching your goals.
UNDERSTAND GOALS WILL TAKE TIME TO REACH
Everything in life, if it is worth it, will take time. This goes for the goals you set for yourself. When you set goals, you should set 2 types of goals. A short term goal such as 6 months and also a long range goal, such as 3 years. You must realize that you are not going to reach your long term goals in 2 weeks. Whatever your goals may be, only through hard work, determination and keeping yourself focused, this is the way you will eventually reach your goals.
STUDY AND READ ARTICLES ON MOTIVATION
Reading articles, books or even listening to cassette tapes on motivation is a must if you want to keep yourself focused on your goals. Many successful people will tell you that even when they wanted to give up and throw in the towel, a paragraph in a book or something a motivational speaker said put them back on the right track and helped them reach their goals.
So if you want to stay focused on your goals, take these 5 points and put them into action
Can You Hear Yourself Lead?
Do you find days turning into weeks, which turn into years and suddenly you're not sure where it's all gone? Does it seem like your no longer navigating your own life but your life and your schedule are navigating you instead? Can you hear yourself lead? If this describes you, stop. Just stop. Stand still, be still, and let yourself remember what the silence feels like.
So often in the world we call business, we go so fast we lose our ability to keep up when, in fact, keeping up is impossible. Simply put, if you're caught up, you're out of business. Business is the competitive pull and push that can kick our navigational system clean out of whack. To get back in control, you have to stop and listen.
We are taught to listen to everyone else. That listening is the greater asset. However, we are never taught to listen to ourselves. Creativity dies in the face of too much noise. Without creativity everything in your life suffers, including your business. Sometimes the most important person to listen to is ..you. Yes, you have something to say but if you never stop to listen you won't ever get back to navigating again.
So here's what you can do to put yourself back in the driver's seat :
1. Start the day by emptying your emotions into a journal. Let all the emotional garbage out on paper. Now, don't read it. Ever. Too hard to do? Rip it up and throw it away. This is just a tool to get the frustrations processed and out of your life so you can move on. So you can hear yourself think again. Sometimes our lives get filled up with everyone else's chatter. This helps us empty that out.
2. Take 15 minutes out of the middle of your day and rest. Just stop everything. Go to a room; take off the phone, the fax, the instant messenger and the ringer on your email. Find a place where you won't be bothered and stop. Take ten deep breaths. Let your mind empty. Try to spend at least five minutes of the fifteen thinking of nothing. Don't laugh, it's really hard to do. Think of nothing. Empty your brain and give your soul a rest
3. Walk. Walking doesn't just exercise your body, it relaxes your soul. Walk with a friend, or walk alone, but walk. This isn't about exercise, it's about letting your mind breath, outside, in the rain, in the sun, in the snow..in the fresh air. It works!
4. Okay, this is the most important. At the end of the day, spend another 15 minutes writing down all the advice that was given to you today. All those noteworthy, seemingly wise bits of advice that get hurled at us everyday. It doesn't matter where they came from, a book, a phone call, a radio station.. doesn't matter. If you can remember it write it down. Now read them all. Do any of them feel adverse to your own feelings and thoughts? Great, cross them out and forget them. Learn to trust that some things will work for you and some things won't. Once you have learned this principle you will find yourself getting back into the drivers seat of your own life again.
Remember you're important too and you are the only one that lives the results and consequences of your own life. Be gentle with yourself and take the time to take the time. Suddenly hours will screech back to normal speed, life will feel worth the effort, and your goals will be realized again
CONFIDENCE
Every day is a new day in our life. There is much to do today. The early morning sun inspires us to start things freshly and put back our past. Only a handful of us make use of this fresh bunch of energy. In various walks of life this affects the way we behave and our confidence level. Confidence is a key to survive in this world. It is the only key tool to win the rat race in every walk of life. Confidence in ones own capabilities combined with sincere efforts helps one to achieve unthinkable heights. But many times we see that this basic element of confidence is missing in us. As a result of lack of confidence we perform well below our caliber. Be it in a public speech, proposing your beloved, vivas in your college or in an interview or say even on the eve before your exams. This can be due to fear of being rejected or any other reason.
If we look into our hearts and think, we will come to know that fear inside us is going to get us nowhere. The confidence inside us is going to take us places. This is because with confidence we can put our thoughts into words in a better and pleasing way. So we have to get out of that shell where we think whether people will accept us as we are? Instead of living in these unending moments of fear and thoughtless analysis it is better if we project ourselves with the skills we have with the gloss of confidence. With confidence we can portray the finer points of our personality in such a way that the places where we do lack are never highlighted
Confidence should glow in us only till the point where our personality is boosted. Above this it leads to over-confidence that is harmful.
Over confidence results in unsatisfied performance levels as the seed of ego grows into a plant into our mind. We then imagine and make big talks just to maintain our ego. So guys don't let the seed of ego to germinate in your mind, as this seed should be used only for you to live up to your expectations.
Confidence is all about being cool, calm and composed.
So guys do u have it in you? If u think u don't, boost up yourselves as your mind is your greatest mentor .You are your greatest helper
Different Strokes Of Our Duties
Life teaches us to live. To live, you have to exist. To exist, you should have a passport to this living world. Thanks your parents, who brought you into this world.
Parents have taken care of us and satisfied all our needs. They helped whenever we were hungry, afraid or ill. They were always there by you, whenever you needed them. You almost assumed that they will always be there for you and never thought of how your life would be without them. But as you grow up, age also catches up with your parents and they need your help and support.
Man is a child first, after which he attains his youth. After youth he again goes through the second phase of childhood, also called as old age. This is the phase where everyone needs a comfort of a sense of belonging and being taken care of. Wouldn't we all expect the same sense of security when we grow old? Even our parents are expecting us to be their caretaker, as they grow old. But they never make that obvious to us. They do their further duty by taking care of their grandchildren, paying e-bills, giving the clothes for laundry etc.
Isn't it unfair on our part that we aren't giving them what they need the most? It is our prime duty to take the very best care of them. It's our pay back time. Lets give the same sense of emotional security, care and love to our parents in their old age.
Some of us mistreat our parents and consider them more of a liability than an asset. Some of us move away from them, though our conscience pricks us. We err in our duties for not being dutiful. This guilty feeling is further wrapped into a sense of regret, when we will be treated in the same way by our future generation. After all you only get what you deserve. Don't you?
Let's keep in mind that to be a manager, husband or father, we first have to be a son.
MOTIVATE YOURSELF
One of the greatest virtues of human beings is their ability to think and act accordingly. The emergence of the techno savvy man from the tree swinging ape has really been a long journey. This transition has taken a span of countless centuries and lots of thinking caps have been involved. Inquisitiveness and aspiration to come out with the best have been the pillars for man's quest for development. Self-motivation is the sheer force, which pulled him apart and distinguished him from his primitive ancestors.
Many times, in our life, when we are reviving old memories we get into a phase of nostalgia. We feel that we could have done better than what we had achieved. Be it thinking about that nerve shattering school result, because of which you couldn't get into your favorite stream or that single mark, which could have secured you a merit seat in your engineering college. But thinking back wont rewind the tireless worker called time. All we can do is promise ourselves that we will give our very best in the future. But do we really keep up to our mental commitments? I can guess that 90% answers are in the negative. This is because of that creepy careless attitude which is slowly, but surely entering into the mind of teenagers like us. We easily forget the pains of yesterday to relish the joys of today. This is the only time in our life, when we can control our fate, by controlling our mind. So it is time to pull up our socks and really motivate ourselves so that we can give our best shot in the future. Self-motivation is the need of the hour. Only we can control and restrict ourselves. Its upto us, how we use our mental capabilities to the best of our abilities
Here are some Funda's for self-motivation. Don't just read them digest each one of them and apply them and I bet it will make a better YOU.
• The ultimate motivator is defeat. Once you are defeated, you have nowhere to go except the top.
• Then only thing stopping you is yourself.
• There is no guarantee that tomorrow will come. So do it today.
• Intentions don't count, but action's do.
• Don't let who you are, stunt what you want to be.
• Success is the greatest motivator.
• Your goals must be clear, but the guidelines must be flexible
Try to include these one liners in your scrapbook or on your favorite poster. You will be sub-consciously tuned to achieve what you want. Also do keep in mind that nothing can control your destiny but you!
The Power Of Expressions
Expressions are a way of giving some life to the thoughts and feelings inside us. When you cry, u express sadness and disappointment. When you catch a good joke, you laugh a lot and express the pleasure.
Expressions are a part and parcel of every human being on this earth. Every person has the right to express himself. It is only through expressions that one can achieve a harmony between the physical exterior and the mental core. It is a way of giving life to your thoughts and feelings. But not everyone expresses freely. The main reasons are the barriers we have created within ourselves. We always think of what the world would think of us. Because of this we restrain ourselves from laughingly completely, tilting our head, or even scratching our ears! We try to be not what we are, but what we think will appeal to the world. Hardly do we realize that the world is just like us. It will be busy thinking of what we will think of it, rather than analyzing our actions.
When one expresses one self freely, it's the ultimate satisfaction for the mind. This is because the physical hardware of the human body is faithfully supporting its mental software. The person then is always comfortable anywhere with anyone and at anytime! If one doesn't express properly, it wont make the sun rise in the west, but it will only lead to increased frustrations. When frustrations increase, efficiency decreases and a person starts blaming the world, god or anyone in general.
Well to practically speak of expressions, once you start using them in your normal day to day life, u will get used to them. Also people around you will get used to your expressions. When the doyen of Indian film industry Mr. Amitabh Bachchan came into the movies, he had one eye smaller than the other. He however carried on without being self conscious about it and captured the heart of countless Indians dead and alive. Also Sylvester Stallone, who is the famous Mr. Big Muscles from Hollywood was actually having some mental problems in his childhood. Even now look at his eyes and you will get a rare glimpse. But then he came above all that and now you can all see how big he has become.
If you are angry at some one, let him know. If you admire someone, let that person know. If you love someone, let her know, because life is too short to keep these things as secret. Express yourself and spice up your life.
Watch Out Before You Speak
Communication in any form is used for exchange of information. The links called words make communication work. Without words its difficult to imagine how we could have come so long in the history of human evolution. Word is not only a 4-letter thing, but it is something deeper than that.
Whenever a word is uttered it is due to synchronization of lip movement and tongue movement. To get out that word from our mouth, a lot of thinking and analysis has been happening in our sub conscious mind. We don't realize it because all this happens in less than one millionth of a second. Most of the times we don't think over what we have uttered. Word is not only a link, but it initiates response from the listener.
The word, which we have uttered, acts on every part of the listener's body. Like if u share a joke using a group of words, u make the listener to laugh. He may pound his hands and fist and then calm down. The very word which u have uttered has allowed him to flush his emotions out in the form of laughter or smile. If you talk about a tragic incident, the listener may close his eyes for a second and offer his condolences. Words uttered vibrate on the mind of the listener. It acts on his mind. Selection and thought prior to communication is very important.
Sometimes we say things which we shouldn't have or we carelessly utter unwanted words (mind you I am not talking of abuses). These things may affect the other person emotionally and mentally. For us it would have been just a matter of second to wag our tongue, but for the listener it is going to be the only thing at the back of his mind. By using unwanted words or speaking more than necessary, we not only hurt someone, but we also add a spot of dust to our social image. Your future interaction with the person may be based on that single word. Using proper words while talking is just like selecting the items listed out by your mom from the supermarket. You select the best brand from the specific domain, where your item is found.
So guys watch before you speak because the actions of the listener may be louder than your words!
No matter how excited you are about your business, with so many distractions and things that may be going on in your life, you can easily find yourself losing focus on your goals and what you want to accomplish. Below you will find 5 things that will help you stay focused on your goals.
FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED
You probably have heard the saying, "So many things to do and not enough time to do them." Even though that may be true, you still have to complete them all, especially if these things help you to reach your goals. To make it easier for you, just take 1 thing you have to do and complete that task until it is done. When it is done, you will feel a sense of accomplishment and it will motivate you to move on to your next task.
ORGANIZE TO MAKE THINGS EASY AND SIMPLE
Take a moment to put things in order. If people write to you or send you orders in the mail, make 3 piles. Put the letters that need to be answered right away in the 1st pile. Letters that can be answered at a later date you can put in the 2nd pile and letters that have orders in them, you can put in the 3rd pile. Doing things like this in other areas of your life will help you keep things in priority and keep you focused on your goals.
CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THINGS
If you find yourself at times having a negative attitude, you must realize that the way you look at things can make all the difference when it comes to reaching your goals. Even when obstacles stand in your way, maintaining a positive attitude, not a negative one and knowing that things can and will get better, will help you stay on track in reaching your goals.
UNDERSTAND GOALS WILL TAKE TIME TO REACH
Everything in life, if it is worth it, will take time. This goes for the goals you set for yourself. When you set goals, you should set 2 types of goals. A short term goal such as 6 months and also a long range goal, such as 3 years. You must realize that you are not going to reach your long term goals in 2 weeks. Whatever your goals may be, only through hard work, determination and keeping yourself focused, this is the way you will eventually reach your goals.
STUDY AND READ ARTICLES ON MOTIVATION
Reading articles, books or even listening to cassette tapes on motivation is a must if you want to keep yourself focused on your goals. Many successful people will tell you that even when they wanted to give up and throw in the towel, a paragraph in a book or something a motivational speaker said put them back on the right track and helped them reach their goals.
So if you want to stay focused on your goals, take these 5 points and put them into action
Can You Hear Yourself Lead?
Do you find days turning into weeks, which turn into years and suddenly you're not sure where it's all gone? Does it seem like your no longer navigating your own life but your life and your schedule are navigating you instead? Can you hear yourself lead? If this describes you, stop. Just stop. Stand still, be still, and let yourself remember what the silence feels like.
So often in the world we call business, we go so fast we lose our ability to keep up when, in fact, keeping up is impossible. Simply put, if you're caught up, you're out of business. Business is the competitive pull and push that can kick our navigational system clean out of whack. To get back in control, you have to stop and listen.
We are taught to listen to everyone else. That listening is the greater asset. However, we are never taught to listen to ourselves. Creativity dies in the face of too much noise. Without creativity everything in your life suffers, including your business. Sometimes the most important person to listen to is ..you. Yes, you have something to say but if you never stop to listen you won't ever get back to navigating again.
So here's what you can do to put yourself back in the driver's seat :
1. Start the day by emptying your emotions into a journal. Let all the emotional garbage out on paper. Now, don't read it. Ever. Too hard to do? Rip it up and throw it away. This is just a tool to get the frustrations processed and out of your life so you can move on. So you can hear yourself think again. Sometimes our lives get filled up with everyone else's chatter. This helps us empty that out.
2. Take 15 minutes out of the middle of your day and rest. Just stop everything. Go to a room; take off the phone, the fax, the instant messenger and the ringer on your email. Find a place where you won't be bothered and stop. Take ten deep breaths. Let your mind empty. Try to spend at least five minutes of the fifteen thinking of nothing. Don't laugh, it's really hard to do. Think of nothing. Empty your brain and give your soul a rest
3. Walk. Walking doesn't just exercise your body, it relaxes your soul. Walk with a friend, or walk alone, but walk. This isn't about exercise, it's about letting your mind breath, outside, in the rain, in the sun, in the snow..in the fresh air. It works!
4. Okay, this is the most important. At the end of the day, spend another 15 minutes writing down all the advice that was given to you today. All those noteworthy, seemingly wise bits of advice that get hurled at us everyday. It doesn't matter where they came from, a book, a phone call, a radio station.. doesn't matter. If you can remember it write it down. Now read them all. Do any of them feel adverse to your own feelings and thoughts? Great, cross them out and forget them. Learn to trust that some things will work for you and some things won't. Once you have learned this principle you will find yourself getting back into the drivers seat of your own life again.
Remember you're important too and you are the only one that lives the results and consequences of your own life. Be gentle with yourself and take the time to take the time. Suddenly hours will screech back to normal speed, life will feel worth the effort, and your goals will be realized again
CONFIDENCE
Every day is a new day in our life. There is much to do today. The early morning sun inspires us to start things freshly and put back our past. Only a handful of us make use of this fresh bunch of energy. In various walks of life this affects the way we behave and our confidence level. Confidence is a key to survive in this world. It is the only key tool to win the rat race in every walk of life. Confidence in ones own capabilities combined with sincere efforts helps one to achieve unthinkable heights. But many times we see that this basic element of confidence is missing in us. As a result of lack of confidence we perform well below our caliber. Be it in a public speech, proposing your beloved, vivas in your college or in an interview or say even on the eve before your exams. This can be due to fear of being rejected or any other reason.
If we look into our hearts and think, we will come to know that fear inside us is going to get us nowhere. The confidence inside us is going to take us places. This is because with confidence we can put our thoughts into words in a better and pleasing way. So we have to get out of that shell where we think whether people will accept us as we are? Instead of living in these unending moments of fear and thoughtless analysis it is better if we project ourselves with the skills we have with the gloss of confidence. With confidence we can portray the finer points of our personality in such a way that the places where we do lack are never highlighted
Confidence should glow in us only till the point where our personality is boosted. Above this it leads to over-confidence that is harmful.
Over confidence results in unsatisfied performance levels as the seed of ego grows into a plant into our mind. We then imagine and make big talks just to maintain our ego. So guys don't let the seed of ego to germinate in your mind, as this seed should be used only for you to live up to your expectations.
Confidence is all about being cool, calm and composed.
So guys do u have it in you? If u think u don't, boost up yourselves as your mind is your greatest mentor .You are your greatest helper
Different Strokes Of Our Duties
Life teaches us to live. To live, you have to exist. To exist, you should have a passport to this living world. Thanks your parents, who brought you into this world.
Parents have taken care of us and satisfied all our needs. They helped whenever we were hungry, afraid or ill. They were always there by you, whenever you needed them. You almost assumed that they will always be there for you and never thought of how your life would be without them. But as you grow up, age also catches up with your parents and they need your help and support.
Man is a child first, after which he attains his youth. After youth he again goes through the second phase of childhood, also called as old age. This is the phase where everyone needs a comfort of a sense of belonging and being taken care of. Wouldn't we all expect the same sense of security when we grow old? Even our parents are expecting us to be their caretaker, as they grow old. But they never make that obvious to us. They do their further duty by taking care of their grandchildren, paying e-bills, giving the clothes for laundry etc.
Isn't it unfair on our part that we aren't giving them what they need the most? It is our prime duty to take the very best care of them. It's our pay back time. Lets give the same sense of emotional security, care and love to our parents in their old age.
Some of us mistreat our parents and consider them more of a liability than an asset. Some of us move away from them, though our conscience pricks us. We err in our duties for not being dutiful. This guilty feeling is further wrapped into a sense of regret, when we will be treated in the same way by our future generation. After all you only get what you deserve. Don't you?
Let's keep in mind that to be a manager, husband or father, we first have to be a son.
MOTIVATE YOURSELF
One of the greatest virtues of human beings is their ability to think and act accordingly. The emergence of the techno savvy man from the tree swinging ape has really been a long journey. This transition has taken a span of countless centuries and lots of thinking caps have been involved. Inquisitiveness and aspiration to come out with the best have been the pillars for man's quest for development. Self-motivation is the sheer force, which pulled him apart and distinguished him from his primitive ancestors.
Many times, in our life, when we are reviving old memories we get into a phase of nostalgia. We feel that we could have done better than what we had achieved. Be it thinking about that nerve shattering school result, because of which you couldn't get into your favorite stream or that single mark, which could have secured you a merit seat in your engineering college. But thinking back wont rewind the tireless worker called time. All we can do is promise ourselves that we will give our very best in the future. But do we really keep up to our mental commitments? I can guess that 90% answers are in the negative. This is because of that creepy careless attitude which is slowly, but surely entering into the mind of teenagers like us. We easily forget the pains of yesterday to relish the joys of today. This is the only time in our life, when we can control our fate, by controlling our mind. So it is time to pull up our socks and really motivate ourselves so that we can give our best shot in the future. Self-motivation is the need of the hour. Only we can control and restrict ourselves. Its upto us, how we use our mental capabilities to the best of our abilities
Here are some Funda's for self-motivation. Don't just read them digest each one of them and apply them and I bet it will make a better YOU.
• The ultimate motivator is defeat. Once you are defeated, you have nowhere to go except the top.
• Then only thing stopping you is yourself.
• There is no guarantee that tomorrow will come. So do it today.
• Intentions don't count, but action's do.
• Don't let who you are, stunt what you want to be.
• Success is the greatest motivator.
• Your goals must be clear, but the guidelines must be flexible
Try to include these one liners in your scrapbook or on your favorite poster. You will be sub-consciously tuned to achieve what you want. Also do keep in mind that nothing can control your destiny but you!
The Power Of Expressions
Expressions are a way of giving some life to the thoughts and feelings inside us. When you cry, u express sadness and disappointment. When you catch a good joke, you laugh a lot and express the pleasure.
Expressions are a part and parcel of every human being on this earth. Every person has the right to express himself. It is only through expressions that one can achieve a harmony between the physical exterior and the mental core. It is a way of giving life to your thoughts and feelings. But not everyone expresses freely. The main reasons are the barriers we have created within ourselves. We always think of what the world would think of us. Because of this we restrain ourselves from laughingly completely, tilting our head, or even scratching our ears! We try to be not what we are, but what we think will appeal to the world. Hardly do we realize that the world is just like us. It will be busy thinking of what we will think of it, rather than analyzing our actions.
When one expresses one self freely, it's the ultimate satisfaction for the mind. This is because the physical hardware of the human body is faithfully supporting its mental software. The person then is always comfortable anywhere with anyone and at anytime! If one doesn't express properly, it wont make the sun rise in the west, but it will only lead to increased frustrations. When frustrations increase, efficiency decreases and a person starts blaming the world, god or anyone in general.
Well to practically speak of expressions, once you start using them in your normal day to day life, u will get used to them. Also people around you will get used to your expressions. When the doyen of Indian film industry Mr. Amitabh Bachchan came into the movies, he had one eye smaller than the other. He however carried on without being self conscious about it and captured the heart of countless Indians dead and alive. Also Sylvester Stallone, who is the famous Mr. Big Muscles from Hollywood was actually having some mental problems in his childhood. Even now look at his eyes and you will get a rare glimpse. But then he came above all that and now you can all see how big he has become.
If you are angry at some one, let him know. If you admire someone, let that person know. If you love someone, let her know, because life is too short to keep these things as secret. Express yourself and spice up your life.
Watch Out Before You Speak
Communication in any form is used for exchange of information. The links called words make communication work. Without words its difficult to imagine how we could have come so long in the history of human evolution. Word is not only a 4-letter thing, but it is something deeper than that.
Whenever a word is uttered it is due to synchronization of lip movement and tongue movement. To get out that word from our mouth, a lot of thinking and analysis has been happening in our sub conscious mind. We don't realize it because all this happens in less than one millionth of a second. Most of the times we don't think over what we have uttered. Word is not only a link, but it initiates response from the listener.
The word, which we have uttered, acts on every part of the listener's body. Like if u share a joke using a group of words, u make the listener to laugh. He may pound his hands and fist and then calm down. The very word which u have uttered has allowed him to flush his emotions out in the form of laughter or smile. If you talk about a tragic incident, the listener may close his eyes for a second and offer his condolences. Words uttered vibrate on the mind of the listener. It acts on his mind. Selection and thought prior to communication is very important.
Sometimes we say things which we shouldn't have or we carelessly utter unwanted words (mind you I am not talking of abuses). These things may affect the other person emotionally and mentally. For us it would have been just a matter of second to wag our tongue, but for the listener it is going to be the only thing at the back of his mind. By using unwanted words or speaking more than necessary, we not only hurt someone, but we also add a spot of dust to our social image. Your future interaction with the person may be based on that single word. Using proper words while talking is just like selecting the items listed out by your mom from the supermarket. You select the best brand from the specific domain, where your item is found.
So guys watch before you speak because the actions of the listener may be louder than your words!
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